I can remember my first purchase of a motivational program promising to change my life forever. it was Tony Robins's 12 audio cassette case. yes, it was in the mid-'80s. yes, I'm that old. but since then I spent thousands of dollars on books, tapes, CDs, seminars, workshops, and retreats on the subject of positive thinking, and creating "the right" mindset. almost every time it felt like this was it. this will permanently make me better. but I still had my moods. I still had bad days. and I always felt like something is wrong with me because I couldn't stay positive all the time.
Only recently, in the last few years, I discovered the research and science behind why positive thinking can actually be harmful. and boy does it make sense.
The power of positive thinking has been touted for decades as the answer to life’s problems, but recent research and science have shown that this is not always the case. It seems that despite the thousands of dollars spent on motivational programs promising to change our lives forever, we are still having bad days and feeling like something is wrong with us when we can’t stay positive all the time. Let’s take a look at why positive thinking isn’t always positive.
The idea behind positivity is that if we think positively, the negative thoughts and emotions will go away. But research shows that this is not true. Negative thoughts and emotions need to be expressed in order for us to move forward and grow. When we try to suppress them, they don't go away - they just come back stronger later. Furthermore, when we try to force ourselves into a positive state, it can actually lead to more negative emotions like anger and resentment. This is because we are not acknowledging our true feelings and trying to deny them.
One of the biggest dangers of positive thinking is that it can lead us to ignore our feelings or emotions about certain situations. We may think that simply having a "positive attitude" will solve all of our problems, but this just isn't true. Another problem with positive thinking is that it can lead us to gloss over potential risks and challenges. By believing that everything will turn out alright with a bit of optimism, we may be ignoring warning signs or potential problems down the line. This can lead us into difficult and dangerous situations without even knowing it. Instead, we need to learn how to process our emotions in order to make lasting changes in our lives.
The idea of "positive thinking" has been around for many years, but it seems like the recent proliferation of motivational speakers, YouTube celebrities, and self-help books has taken it to a whole different level. To me, listening to these kinds of people is like hanging out with a drunk person in party mode when I'm sober - it's all loud, upbeat energy, and huge smiles, but lacking any kind of connection to reality. As much as these "gurus" are successful at convincing others that they offer some kind of key to success, and a better life, they actually often lead people in an unrealistic direction and can set them up for major disappointments later on. Positive thinking can be helpful in certain situations, but this artificial brand that's everywhere lately shouldn't be the ultimate source of life wisdom and advice.
This doesn't mean that being positive isn't important. It is important for us to focus on the good things in our lives and to be grateful for them. But it also means that we need to allow ourselves to be human and accept the fact that we can't always be positive thinking and happy. We have to give ourselves permission to feel all of our emotions, including the negative ones, in order for us to move forward.
Positive thinking has its place, but recent research has suggested that it can be detrimental to our happiness in the long run. One study found that those who focused on their positive thoughts and experiences had higher rates of depression at follow up than participants who didn’t focus on the positive. Other studies have found that those who emphasize positive thinking may ignore potentially important pieces of negative feedback and tend to overestimate their performance and abilities. While it is important to stay optimistic, it is also necessary to be honest with ourselves when it comes to negative emotions and challenges in order to live our best lives.
As quoted in one of my favorite books on this subject "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking" by Oliver Burkeman: “Confronting the worst-case scenario saps it of much of its anxiety-inducing power. Happiness reached via positive thinking can be fleeting and brittle, negative visualization generates a vastly more dependable calm.”
Finally, let's focus on being kinder and more compassionate with ourselves. Instead of pushing ourselves to constantly think positively, let's take a step back and allow space for us to just be as we are: human beings who have a full range of emotions that come with life. This will ultimately lead us towards true happiness and contentment.
Too much negative thinking can obviously lead to depression and a negative view of the world which isn't good for anyone. However, too much positive thinking can also be harmful. it's important to find a balance between the two.
As a transformational life coach, I can help you change your life for the better using my unique approach to coaching which takes into account both positive and negative thinking.
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